Loneliness or a Toxic Ex?

Loneliness isn’t always pleasant. It may happen that we feel so desperate that we are ready to engage in a past relationship. But provided it was toxic, we can only enhance our stress. Is it possible to resist this temptation and not to return to the person who didn’t appreciate us? How can we help our tired self when we feel emptiness and loss?

How does it happen?

A lonely evening, she is sadly sipping some wine, and her hands are automatically writing a message to her ex. To the person she’s left with a promise never engage in such a relationship again. Of course, there definitely were positive moments, too, which seem brighter than his humiliating remarks, acid words, periods of coolness, and flirting with her friend. This is the very moment you should tell yourself to stop. Appeal to your ratio and try to understand what makes you long for unsafe hugs of your ex.  

Don’t let your brain confuse you

In the first place, it should be mentioned that our brain focuses on bad moments for a short period of time while all good things are kept in long-term memory. This post-optimism may harm us; that’s why it’s necessary to recollect what was wrong in a relationship and why you quit. Most likely, you had serious reasons for that.

Besides, as scientists claim, the brain is programmed to look for and keep a close relationship with others. Dr. Matthew Lieberman, a specialist in the field of neuroscience, is convinced that an ability to engage in and keep social connections is the most important indicator of happiness, emotional health, and well-being for people of all ages and sexes.

However, a toxic relationship cannot be healthy and happy. We need exactly a safe relationship, in which we are cared for and respected. Thus, if you’ve already recollected why you consider your ex a toxic person, you should come to the conclusion that once you come back to him, you won’t get what you really need. No warmth, no love, no acceptance.  

Rescue plan

Everyone may feel lonely and sad. In this state, we are vulnerable so that we can easily make a wrong decision that will cause more problems. You have to realize that you can get support, compassion, and a kind attitude not only in a love relationship.

If you have no private life, why not recollect your relatives and friends? Once your brain requires significant people for happiness, you should take care of yourself and build these contacts. This will let you feel more stable, emotionally stronger, and prevent you from returning in a toxic relationship.

Here are 5 points to support yourself in a difficult moment

Turn off the news

Stop nurturing anxiety and a depressive mood by negative information. If necessary, find some time in the first half of the day to find out recent news. But avoid immersing into horror news and pessimistic broadcasts – don’t enhance stress.

Look into yourself

What do you feel? Sadness, anxiety, loneliness, anger, or fear? All emotions are natural; if you experience them, you have to admit them not hiding behind a typical answer “everything is fine.”

Don’t forget that memory keeps positive things AT MEMORY KEEPS POSITIVE THINGS

Our brain tends to forget insults and mistakes and keep romantic evenings, travels, and feelings. Also, we all need intimacy. Yet, if you suddenly want to be in your ex’s hugs, most likely, you need only hugs, not your ex. Why not hug your mother, friend, dog?

Broaden the circle of people you communicate with

Do you remember your old school friend you meet seldom but communicate perfectly with? Call the relatives you like talking to. Write to a colleague you used to have dinners with. Visit a neighbor with a box of chocolates. As a matter of fact, typically, there are a lot of people around us we can have a great time with.

Indulge yourself

When we are sad, it’s easy to forget what is pleasant for us. Why not make up a list you can use anytime? A favorite book or comedy, a recipe for super tasty muffins? What about strange dances when nobody sees or karaoke songs when nobody hears? It would be a great idea to feel a connection with your body – do some stretching, have a run, find online training or just relax taking a shower.  

Besides, keep in mind that you are the only person you have to learn to be happy with. The point is that once we learn to be happy alone, we will attract the best things into our life. Many people falsely believe that to become happy, they need to find another person, “a second half.” However, it doesn’t function that way. Why? The answer is pretty simple: nobody wants to serve as a means of making others happy, especially men.

NO adequate man would be attracted to a pessimistic woman constantly complaining about her weight, the shape of her nose, or rude friends. We want a joyful, shining, and optimistic partner. Thus, to find such a person, firstly, you need to become this person yourself.

Practice gratitude

It’s the simplest and the most effective method to raise one’s mood. The secret lies in the fact that it should be practiced regularly, every day. You can always find new things to be grateful for. For instance, today you are grateful for the nice weather. Tomorrow you thank for a stable job. The day after tomorrow – for a wonderful dream. We’ve got used to taking many things for granted, but practicing gratitude we learn to notice good things and value what we have.  

Last but not least, you may always consult a specialist. Sometimes, psychotherapy with an experienced and caring professional helps us to understand ourselves better and the change the pattern of choosing wrong partners. Besides, you may find enough power to cope with attacks of loneliness and sadness or discover new interests that will absorb you and bring joy and satisfaction. Apart from that, with a good therapist, you can establish a significant, trusting, and respectful contact that will support you in a difficult moment.